One full week has gone by since I came back from a 10 day Vipassana Meditation retreat. It’s time I document in detail my understanding about the concept, my experience, and the after effects of the course.
What is Vipassana?
Vipassana is a Pali term (derived from Sanskrit Vipashyana) that would mean clear vision, to see clearly, to see things, people, situations, thoughts, feelings, etc., as they are, not how you suppose these are or how you want these to be.
For example, when there is a pain in some part of your body, generally the mind exaggerates the pain and suggests you all kinds of fears, and that’s what causes most of the suffering. When you remove these fears and stop the mind from reacting to pain, you look at the reality of the situation as it is, accept that there is pain, know that the pain is impermanent, and so there is equanimity, calmness, and peace of mind. That’s the end of suffering. And the pain eventually goes away, much quicker when you look at it with an equanimous mind.
Similarly, in a relationship with a person, your mind generally doesn’t look at the person as they are. You have an image about this person based on past experience and there are expectations about how you want this person to behave. The mind created image and expectations you have about this person prevent you from looking at the person as they are right now. As long as you can’t look at the person as they are, there is no communication at the deepest level and such a relationship is bound to fail. People keep changing. When the mind accepts this fact and looks at the person as they are, there is better communication, better understanding and better relationship.
It’s all about being in the present moment and being totally aware of your mind, body, feelings even as you work, as you drive, as you walk, as you talk to a person, etc., When there is such total awareness of the present moment, unnecessary fears drop off themselves and life gets better.
What is Vipassana Meditation?
It is easy to understand this concept, but when you try to apply this in everyday life, there is resistance from deep rooted habits and past impressions stored in your sub-conscious mind, you can call this karmic burden, or sanskaras (or as Buddhists call, sankharas). So, it helps to stay away from all distractions, just sit down and be with yourself for 10-20 minutes everyday, just be aware of yourself, your breath, the feelings in your body, your being (of course, this cannot be generalized, there could be people born with very little sanskaras and they don’t need to sit down to meditate this way, to them the whole life is meditation). When you sit down and meditate this way, the past impressions from your sub-conscious mind come up and you directly deal with them. When you stay totally aware in the present moment, these impressions evaporate. Regular practice of such meditation once or twice everyday for 10-20 minutes makes it easy to stay aware the rest of the day.
You may want to dive deeper and do this kind of meditation for days together and take out very deep rooted impressions and complexes. This is where you can take up a systematic practice of Vipassana Meditation developed by Gautama Buddha. At this day, there are various Buddhistic schools offering Vipassana Meditation courses. The kind of 10 day Vipassana course I went through is being conducted by Mr. SN Goenka and his organization. He says that the course and format in which he is conducting was handed down directly by Gautama Buddha, preserved by a tradition of Burmese teachers over the last 2500+ years. There are good reasons to believe him, but most importantly, the method still works.
Please see http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml and http://www.dhamma.org/en/code.shtml
My experience of the 10 day course
Now, why at all I attended this course? For the past 3 months or so, I have been hitting a stagnation. Outwardly all has been well, no problems, but at a deeper level it seemed as if I’m caught up in some kind of endless loop powered by deep rooted impressions. The problem is too abstract and subtle to describe in words. I have been practising meditation for years and I knew the right thing I had to do was to go deeper into myself instead of trying to fix external things or just running away from the problem. I tried to do this myself, go into deep meditation, but it’s extremely difficult to do this myself at my place with all the distractions. That’s when I came to know about this 10 day course. I’ve heard about this course years before and I thought 10 days of silence and meditation is too much for me. But this time it came to me at the right time and I took it up at the first available opportunity.
The very first thing, they stress the importance of silence and the five percepts (just for the 10 days), and as you go on for the first 2-3 days, you appreciate the importance of this discipline, it helps you. The schedule was hard, at least during the early days. Regular practice of yoga (of the acrobatic type) and meditation for years has made my body supple and flexible, but sitting down for 10 hours a day with closed eyes (of course, with breaks inbetween) was still hard. But not to worry, the first three days is just the preparation, the actual technique starts only on the fourth day. So, by that time, you are prepared, even you’ve not had any meditation experience in the past.
There was a lot of physical pain for the first 2 days. Pain in my right knee, ankles, right side of my neck, partly due to subtle errors in my posture and partly because my sensitivity has increased. I tried changing posture, but each posture has its set of pains. There was a particular session where all I did was to change posture every five minutes, and I even tried sitting facing different directions, I even thought of requesting a chair. But soon I realized it’s just the mind playing tricks, for there were people, much older in age but without much experience in meditation sitting cross legged and trying sincerely. So, I decided I’ll stick with a posture that’s most comfortable for me despite any pain. It helped. As I persisted, gradually the posture got corrected by itself and pain slowly died away. It became clearer and clearer that every negative/hard thought contracts some muscle in the body. Contraction over a longer period of time gives pain (and contraction over longer and longer periods of time becomes disease). As I relax within, the physical contraction too relaxes and the pain is gone.
As you go on, there are good sessions where you feel absolutely peaceful and there are sessions where the mind is totally distracted. One session feels absolutely pleasant, a few hours later there is total pain, and then again all is good. Emotions go high and low, and slowly you learn to remain equanimous with all that you experience.
The past impressions, especially the negativity, comes out layer by layer. Now, when I say negativity, you can’t so much identify the content of the negativity. Most of the times you can’t identify what kind of events in your past put that negativity into your system. For example, the sixth day of my course, there was a big wave of negativity. Every small disturbance made me angry. A little cough from the person sitting next to me made me so angry that I felt like smashing this person’s head into pieces. Everything seemed so irritating and I couldn’t find out why, I started doubting the whole process and felt like running back to home. But then, I knew this is bound to happen, this is to be expected, and if I leave it half way it wouldn’t make my life any better. Later into the evening, the negativity was gone and I started feeling compassion in me again. All the while I didn’t know what actually put that big chuck of negativity into my system, but I knew it’s always been there hidden inside.
There are other times, you can actually identify the negativity. For example, towards the 8th or 9th day, I felt like I was in school again. As with any child, when I was a very little child, there was a certain fright when it came to the class room, teachers, blackboard, etc., a certain kind of going into the shell. All those feelings were coming out and I was surprised it was still there within me.
And it’s not just about negativity and pain, there were also hidden layers of pleasure in the form of craving for some external object.
How do I feel after the course? Would I recommend it to others?
During the course, after the first 3-4 days, it felt absolutely fantastic that I wanted to recommend this course to anyone and everyone I know. But when that big wave of negativity came in during the 6th day it all reversed and I was actually thinking of recommending against anybody from taking the course. After that again it felt good. Even during the 10th day, there were reversals of my opinion about the course. So after I came back, I did not want to hastily tell something about the course to anybody. I wanted to give my feelings some time to stabilize. Reality hit hard immediately after I came back from days in silence and peaceful environment, and it felt a little difficult. One week on, I find myself more relaxed than ever before, more easy, more confident. I see that I used to try a little too hard previously. I see that my awareness and presence has grown. For example, even as ride my bike in heavy traffic, or as I sit in front of the monitor and solve a problem, I immediately sense whenever there is a little contraction in some part of the body. This sensing itself immediately relaxes the contraction and I see that my mind too becomes relaxed. All the physical pain and emotional pain experienced during the course have gone completely. The cravings too have gone down considerably. I’m feeling much lighter physically and relaxed inside and outside.
So would I recommend this course to others? Yes, but for best results you should commit you will go through the full 10 day course no matter what. Nothing bad really happens during the course, but at times during the course your mind magnifies every little problem and tempts you to quit. Leaving it halfway doesn’t make your life any better. Also, it helps you get the most out of the course if you go into it with an understanding of what this is all about. I suggest you read Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now”. Eckhart Tolle doesn’t speak about this course, but it’s the same concept. Also practice awareness during everyday activities, for example, when you wait in a queue, travel, drive, go up and down in an elevator, just become aware of your breath, note what happens in your body, how you feel. This kind of ‘practice’ during everyday activities of life eases you into regular meditation everyday if you need it, and if you need it, into such a 10 day meditation course.
Even though it’s been handed down from the Buddha, it should be obvious by now that this ‘practice’ is absolutely non-dogmatic, non-sectarian it’s just plain common sense. Everyone, from businessmen to labourers, prisoners, police personnel, actors, Hindu monks, Buddhist monks, Christian nuns, atheists, people in their 20s, people in 80s, married, unmarried, men, women, even pregnant women, all take up the course, so anyone can do it.
Ultimately, it’s not so much about the course or the method or the ‘practice’… it’s about becoming more and more aware of all that’s happening in and around you, it’s about looking at things, people, situations, thoughts, feelings clearly, as they are.
So, that is it. Have I left out anything? Please ask.